Yesterday I was at the new gas station in town. Gas there was a dime or so cheaper than other popular places. There was a short line to get to the pump and I got in it. (Normally, I wouldn’t wait in line to save a dime on a gallon of gas but I wasn’t in a hurry and the line was short). I get to the pump and there’s a sign “Cash only.” I found myself a little disoriented because I didn’t know where to put the cash. In the past, I’d get nervous about not knowing what to do, especially when there were potentially impatient people behind me in line - people that I believed I’d have to take care of - More about that in a little bit. In this post-integration version of an old story I calmly walked over to the booth where there was an attendant, found out that he was the one I needed to pay, paid him, and went back to pump gas into my little Toyota. I took my time pumping - like I could rush the pump if I wanted to!
I grew up with the mindset that I had to take care of others’ feelings. One of my favorite quotes is “I’m uncomfortable so you should change.” In those pre-integration days I’d be uncomfortable around people who were stressed and, if I were to interact with them, I’d better manipulate or caretake them, into not being stressed so that I could be comfortable in that interaction. Can you relate? So, I spent most of my life up to now being nice to people, not making waves, all for the purpose of alleviating my stress with other people’s emotions - and my own as well.
The gas station experience, and other recent ones too, shows me that I’m quickly releasing the need to “fix” other peoples’ emotions and behaviors. In that gas station I really took my time, not so much pumping the gas which I couldn’t rush anyway, but, while the gas was pumping, I watched people around me, and I looked at the woman behind me in line. I couldn’t tell if she was in a hurry or not. When I talk with people I speak much-more-slowly than before. When I’m making an appointment with someone I take my time noting the details in my calendar. Yes, I make the person wait a few seconds while I write and verify the details of the appointment, but the end result - time spent with me - is worth it!
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